莱芜钢城区SAT培训学校

新闻标题：2018莱芜钢城区sat备考

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4分作文： Some people would say that something that is not successful does not have any value. I would have to disagree with this statement. Sometimes, things that are not successful still have some value. For example, the Columbia space shuttle and the Vietnam War were not successful, but they had value. Thus, it is true that something not successful can still have value. For instance, the Columbia disaster. Columbia was destroyed in an accident when the shuttle tried to re-enter the atmosphere. This accident was a horrible failure and many people were very upset by it. The value, though, comes from the new way in which we now look at things. Because of Columbia, the space program now know what is wrong. Hopefully, they will change it. Vietnam is also an example of something not successful. We went to Vietnam in an attempt to get rid of communists. Thewar went on for a while, but we were not able to win. Many soldiers were killed and the public were very angry about the whole thing. Soon there were many protests across the country and college students especially became active against the war. By the time the war was ended the people were very upset with their country. These two examples show that something not successful can still have value. As we have seen, both Columbia and the Vietnam War were not successful. Yet, we got something of value out of them. 【点评】 开始段落把中心观点讲出来了，并且也有thesis statement。

An essay in this category demonstrates developing mastery, and is marked by ONE OR MORE of the following weaknesses:

如果非要举知道。

比如刚才的题目，在第一段作者的中心论点是value is not only found in success，而在结束段，就最好不要写成In conclusion, value is not only found in success，这样写太单调了点。

作为开始段落，最少要3到5句话才可以构成一个有效的段落，但许多学生往往一两句就匆匆结束，起码从字数上看就不是个成功的开始段落。

An essay in this category demonstrates adequate mastery, although it will have lapses in quality. A typical essay

总体而言，该文采用narrative的方式，但是在开始段和结尾，作者采用的是议论方式，阐述自己的观点。

所以我认为失败是成功的基础，对成功是有帮助的。

但是也要注意，你最多只能写两页，千万不要说我写满了，但还没有写完，然后举手问考官再要一张纸。

从正面来看，作者还是了解了这篇作文的目的，对作文题的要求还是把握住了，有自己的观点，并且知道用例子来支持自己的观点。

要对整个例子进行深度挖掘，正文部分往往写成narrative（叙述）的形式。

全文只举了哥伦比亚飞机失事的一个例子，没有对该例进行深度挖掘。

从语法方面看，个别地方外还算通顺，但和满分及5分的作文相比，作者的遣词造句能力和驾驭句式的能力显得很稚嫩。

或者说，英雄是否注定有一天会被人们遗忘？本题目可以归纳为是否存在永恒的英雄。

displays very little facility in the use of language, using very limited vocabulary or incorrect word choice

Let's consider Julius Caesar, a hero in his own time but regarded, thanks mainly to Shakespeare's play, as a man with mortal failings: vain, superstitious and arrogant. He can no longer be thought of as a hero, but just a man who came to prominence for his actions at a certain point in history. He has his place in the history of the Western world and his face on ancient coins, but scarcely fits our need for a hero for all times whom we can revere.

Scoring Guide

你也可以这么开始这篇文章，比如成功的人受到公众的羡慕，有鲜花掌声，金钱地位，但失败的人受到公众的唾弃，甚至是亲人的蔑视等等。

这对SAT作文是同样有效的。

当然，你要了他也不会给你。

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